this marks the last entry of this 'work in progress' blog as well as my last night in the office. it only seems fitting that as one chapter in life closes, i end it the same way it began. [see here] tomorrow is my last day of work and it's easy to forget this entry is just a stepping stone as all the other have been and no more or less significant. just another step towards something i don't yet know. in 16 days, 16 hrs, 14 min, and 44 sec my journey begins towards india. i should probably be scared...
Read Morecollege really is a truly unique time of life. away from home, you step into your own, decide for yourself what is important and what direction you'll head in life. you don't know enough to realize you really don't know anything at all. some people may believe college is the best time of your life. they tend to live in the past, wishing they could live in those days with little responsibility and unappreciated freedom. i hope to never become this but to instead enjoy each season for what it brings and the smile that comes to my face as...
Read Morethe clear, logical development of a work of architecture depends on rational and objective criteria. when i permit subjective and unconsidered ideas to intervene in the objective course of the design process, i acknowledge the significance of personal feelings in my work. when architects talk about their buildings, what they say is often at odds with the statements of the buildings themselves. this probably connected with the fact that they tend to talk a good deal about the rational, thought-out aspects of their work and less about the secret passion that inspires it. the design process is based on a constant interplay...
Read Morehere is no one else i've shared a room with longer than ally. first, it was 315 petticoat lane, boyd hall, then a semester in prague, only to finish out our academic career with a spacious one bedroom on hunting. fall of 2000, we entered k-state together, she in interior architecture and i in architecture. our room was the best in the hall and if you ever came to visit, she would entertain you with quite a thorough tour. she stayed up with me at night as i finished up projects for she felt guilty sleeping as i worked. funny...
Read Morei will rise and i will stand, getting off of my knees and my hands. i will walk as You lead. and look beyond what i can see. i will speak from my heart, and not let pride tear the truth apart. i won't fear another man, 'cause he is dust just like i am. *because in this journey when the night is done *i will set my face towards the sun. *i will not look back, no. *no, i will not look back. i will learn as i go, and test the things that i think i know. i will love without return, light my fears on fire to watch them burn. i will hope...
Read More'as you step on the gas, simultaneously let up on the clutch. go slowly on both and listen to the sound the car makes. the engine will tell you when you need to switch gears.' i was teaching my littlest sister how to drive a standard. the lesson occurred partly because she wanted to know, partly because i thought she needed to know, but mostly because i'm tired of being the only female in the house who can handle such a vehicle and hate driving it to work with heels. she looked at me with all the confidence of one who only...
Read Morei like walking around cemeteries. i know...kind of weird. i guess if you find comfort, not fear in death, you may understand. at the risk of sounding sarcastic and insensitive, there are few places i can go to feel more alive and more thankful for each breath i take. my walks over the years often take me to these solemn gardens. in prague, i would lose myself in the sea of tombstones seeming never to end. the krakow concentration camp bared no physical markers of the millions who died within it's walls, but i could not avoid the thought of the...
Read Morei was only a year and a half when he joined our family. my dad tried to get me to say 'brother eric' but it came out as 'bubba icky.' i've called him that ever since. i no longer like the correct pronunciation. when we were younger, he probably should have annoyed me as a typical little brother should. perhaps he didn't because he's not a typical little brother or because he's always been more of a friend than a brother. don't get me wrong, he still found ways to tie me up in my sleep, sabotage my tea parties,...
Read Morewritten may 29, 2006 i sit in the airport once again, this time unaware of the people sitting besides me or walking in front of me. sometimes you forget how much a person means to you until you say goodbye. my mind is still at the front of the airport where i just left holly. it was the kind of goodbye where you don't say much for your watery eyes say it all. i let the tears fall unashamed. some people, we don't feel deserving of, and we find ourselves blessed to call them 'friend.' she's one of those. my dad...
Read Morei am long on staying. i am slow to leave, especially when it comes to you my friend. you have taught me to slow down, and to prop up my feet. it's the fine art of being who i am. and i can't figure out why you want me around. i'm not the smartest person i have ever met. but somehow that doesn't matter, no it really never mattered to you at all. *and at the risk of wearing out my welcome. *at the risk of self-discovery, *i'll take every moment, *and every minute that you give me. 'cause if you sit at home you're a loser, couldn't you find anything better to...
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i have a couple hours, so here i sit, enjoying one of my favorite pastimes, people watching. the airport is a great place to practice such a hobby. even if for only a moment, thousands of paths collide at one, single terminal. they walk by in a hurry, rushed to get to the gate, to get to the plane, to get to the city, to get to wherever it is they are supposed to be. all these next steps in their journey are unknown to me as they walk by my seat against the window. but i enjoy watching them...
Read Morewe all have our weaknesses and i am no exception. perhaps you are numerically challenged [math] or visually challenged [color blind]. some are horizontally challenged [short] or financially challenged [broke]. i would like to state for the record i am directionally challenged. what i mean by this is that unless i have a map in front of me, in a city i've lived in for longer than 5 years, or the sun is out, i cannot tell south from north, east from west. in my mind, it seems west should always be to my left and east to my right....
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sometimes, it's hard for me to imagine what she was like when she was young. my mother, she was beautiful. her dark eyes must have drove the boys wild and her shinny hair was adored. she set off on her own at 18, confident in what she did know and naive of what she didn't. her first date with my dad was a result of a bet. her boss was sure he was married. she, though they'd never spoken, knew he wasn't. she was right, the $20 was hers. my dad didn't think it fair she made money off of him...
Read Morerunners are crazy people. they move at an insanely rate of speed and over long stretches of ground only to end where they first began. for months they train through sun, wind and rain. they push their bodies incredibly hard only to spend the days after recovering. they aren't chasing after a ball, or trying tackle somebody else. they know they won't win. their purpose is to beat themselves, their own time. this really makes no sense to me. but last week, i became one of them. or at least i became a wanna-be [which might actually make less sense than actually being one] surrounded...
Read Moreit's a rainy night at java nation...i could not be enjoying it more. a chai tea in my left hand and a black pen in my right. i watch the drops fall outside the windows and the cars splash as they hurry by. purple, black and yellow umbrellas float across the framed glazing. i like the yellow one the best. there is peace. life is comfortable. it is easy. i am fulfilled. i am at 'home.' 'home' has become a relative term. it is not the big front porch i dream of having someday or found in the city in which i grew up. it's not...
Read Morethe news came today. if you need me after august, i will be found here... mussoorie, india more words to come. i'm too excited right now to try to find them. [www.emiusa.org]
today was one of those kind of days. you know what i'm taking about. everything seems to happen at once and your head is spinning. you get in your car at the end of the day to escape. the windows are down, the radio is up, but it's not quite enough. the car doesn't provide enough freedom. though it protects, it also restrains. perhaps a convertible...that might get me a little closer, i find my body is still limited in its experience of the open road. sky diving? definitely. but with only one jump under my belt, and dependency on a pilot, i'll set that one aside for...
Read Morei'll never forget that first day of studio. 'what is architecture? what is space? why have you entered this profession?' the question seemed easy enough...but i was at a loss. every answer i could come up with didn't seem enough. i knew there was more than i understood. i was at the beginning of something. everything i thought about architecture was thrown out the window that day. whatever i knew it entailed or believed it to be needed to be tested, processed, redefined... i had to choose for myself what i believed architecture to be and role i would play in it. five...
Read Moreokay studio 109. although i never fill these things out, i will for you to celebrate your entrance back into the bloggging world. i usually brush surveys off, but when you single me out like that, i feel guilty ignoring your expected reply...and haven't had time to put together any more coherent thoughts. IN THE KITCHEN: 1. blue bunny lite 85 vanilla crème yogurt [accept no substitutes] 2. fresh garlic 3. cottage cheese, baby carrots, craisins [listed together because i eat them together] 4. peach iced tea 5. stale peeps [ie. marshmallow peeps opened last week to eat this week] IN THE CLOSET: 1. patagonia fleece 2. james madison baseball hat courtesy...
Read Morei, who live by words, am .......wordless when i try my words in prayer. all .......language turns to silence. prayer will take my words .......and then reveal their emptiness. the stifled voice .......learns to hold its peace, to listen with the .......heart to silence that is joy, is adoration. the self is shattered, all words torn .......apart in this strange pattern time of .......contemplation that, in time, breaks time, breaks .......words, breaks me, and then, in silence leaves me .......healed and mended. i leave returned to language, for i see .......words are ended, i, who live by words, am .......wordless when i turn me to the Word to pray. .......amen. [madeleine l'engle: lines scribbled on an envelope while riding the 104 bus] [enjoy the silence. robbins]
after my class tonight, i made the inevitable trip to walmart. usually, i try to hold out as long as i can, waiting for my mom to give in first and ask me if she can pick up anything for me [i know. it's rough] but tonight i gave in. i don't have to pay for the roof over my head or the electricity to run my itunes. i can pick up a few groceries...every once in awhile. now for the good part of the story. i'm walking out of a version 92 walmart [please don't ask me how i know this]....
Read Morei repent. i repent of my pursuit of america's dream i repent. i repent of living like i deserve anything of my house, my fence, my kids, my wife in our suburb where we're safe and white i am wrong and of these things i repent i repent. i repent of parading my liberty i repent. i repent of paying for what i get for free and for the way i believe that i am living right by trading sins for others that are easier to hide i am wrong and of these things i repent. i repent judging by a law that even i can't keep of wearing righteousness like a disguise to see through...
Read Moreso. it is only 6:30 am here and i've already been working for an hour and a half. i had one of my restless, sleepless kind of nights. i hate those. i'd much rather start tackling the things consuming my mind than lay in bed and worry about them. perhaps i'm worried about my first project i'm sending out for permit next week. or maybe it's lunch today with a friend that i know i need to say something to but i have absolutely no clue how to say it. it could even be that i spent 2 hours last night...
Read Morei went to yoga. i speak in past tense because currently, it is something i have only done once. though i have all intention of continuing, i cannot yet say, i take yoga. that would be an exaggeration of the truth. i don't exaggerate to make a story better. *wink.* but i did take a yoga class. i have few, natural, physical talents. no matter how hard i try, i cannot make my ears wiggle or pop joints out of place. i do not have a body built for a runner or the grace of a ballerina. i'm tough naturally, but i am a...
Read Morethe rain came today. they've been telling me it would be here all week and i cannot remember the last time i saw it. today the rain showed up. i love the smell it brings with it, fresh and clean, full of life. spring is on its way, i can feel it in the air. it is a time where all nature seems to rejoice in its birth to a renewed life, promising the warmth of color and sunshine. it only seems appropiate that as my wipers rhythmically accompaning me into the office, i saw my first budding tree of...
Read Morei’d like to say i’m an equal mix of both of my parents. but if i’m really honest with myself, i would have to admit i fit more into the mold of my father. i possess his same work ethic and listening skills…as well as his stubbornness and smiling eyes. i’m proud to take his good as well as his bad. i have found no man i respect more. of no one am i more proud. working in the overlapping profession of construction, i’ve been amazed at the respect i am granted with just the mention of his name. “oh, you’re...
Read More"good morning, sunshine." my mom has greeted me this way each morning for as long as i can remember. although these thoughts i am compiling as the sky is dark, the stars are out, and the day is finishing, morning is in my heart. let me attempt to explain. it feels as if i'm waking up. i roll over in my bed and the time on the clock comes into focus. it's early, but i have no reason to get up. i turn back around and drift in and out of consciousness. the sun begins to peer through my curtains and...
Read Morefirst, all credit must be given to holly, the queen of the bad dance. i think we all have the capability to dance. it is our fear of approval or lack of self-confidence that keeps us to the edge of the dance floor. if given a choice, i prefer to watch. i have little inherent rhythm and am jealous of the natural moves of steph, nikki, and ashley. it is only after i have relaxed enough or am in the company of others who will not allow me to sit, will i enter the floor in a public place. almost always...
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