first, all credit must be given to holly, the queen of the bad dance. i think we all have the capability to dance. it is our fear of approval or lack of self-confidence that keeps us to the edge of the dance floor. if given a choice, i prefer to watch. i have little inherent rhythm and am jealous of the natural moves of steph, nikki, and ashley. it is only after i have relaxed enough or am in the company of others who will not allow me to sit, will i enter the floor in a public place. almost always...
Read Morein the last month, i : + took a salsa/meringue dance lesson + ate dinnter at home with my family only four times + paid off entire loan to the government + began leading a group of high school girls [i’ve forgotten what it was like to be in high school] + enrolled in a class because i want to take it [not because i have to take it] + discovered i actually enjoy this required reading + found weight i thought i had lost this summer + went on two 10 mile runs [training for half marathon to lose it again] + received a raise + took on the black slopes at...
Read Morei'm not a big fan of the sound of this song. but oh, the lyrics. i want to add to the beauty. we come with beautiful secrets we come with purposes written on our hearts, written on our souls we come to every new morning with possibilities only we can hold, that only we can hold redemption comes in strange place, small spaces calling out the best of who we are and i want to add to the beauty, to tell a better story i want to shine with the Light that's burning up inside it comes in small inspirations it brings redemption to life and work to our...
Read Morei cannot even begin to count the number of times i driven up to manhattan. my car knows the road well. but last weekend, my little silver saturn took me for a different ride. for the first time, i went up highway 177. oh my goodness. what was i thinking ever going another way? how did i miss this? with shawn mcdonald's here am i playing as loud as my speakers would allow, i massaged the rolling roads with my wearing wheels. glorious. sometime in life you must all drive through the flinthills of kansas, though i ask that you...
Read Moremy parent's coverage ended when i turned 23. i guess the insurance company assumed i should be done with school, grown up, and have a policy of my own. [seriously. who finishes school by 23?] three months i waited until my insurance kicked in. an additional three months, were added due to laziness and dread. but today, i gave into my responsible urges. after a year and a half of delay, i went to the dentist. i must admit, i have a pretty high pain tolerance. i would also say it takes a lot to bother me. but i must state...
Read Moreesolutions. i resolved many years ago never to make them. just because it's the beginning of a new year, we're all feeling fat from the holidays, and everyone else is making them, i don't want to feel obligated. it's like valentine's day. i'd rather celebrate i love you on a random tuesday than out of duty on a hallmark created day. most of the time, the new year means fresh start, new beginning. we forget whatever happened last year or last night and we begin a new. less food, more movement. less busy, more checkbook accountability. whatever we did wrong last...
Read Morei like things with stories, if you haven't already guessed. i like knowing histories, hearing the narration, telling the tale. i come with a story and it seems only natural that my things to as well. don't get me wrong, there are many things i must buy without a past, though they need not be mentioned. however, other things i do not think twice about reusing. for instance, the coat i wear is older than i am. my dad bought for my mom the winter she became pregnant with me...so technically, it was mine from the beginning. it has one of...
Read More'twas the night before christmas... the eve of Your birth. what You must have been feeling this night before You made Your entrance into the world You created. You came not as a king clothed in earthly splendor, though You deserved the best we had to offer. You should have been wrapped in the finest blankets. people should have been waiting outside Your palace, anticipating Your first sound. but You came a different way. You choose to be carried by an unwed teenager. only she and Your earthly father knew of Your arrival. the animals made noises in the background as they...
Read Moreit was one of those weeks full of extremes, the really good and the really bad, the hot and the cold. nothing luke warm. i think subconsciously, i tried to relive final's week in the real world. it was horrible. okay, not horrible, but by far the most work-induced-stress-related week yet...a whole 65 hours of it. and i got to thinking, half of my waking hours are spent "on the clock" and i have but one post devoted to such happenings. ta da...no. 2. aside from last week, i can boldly state, i love my job. i wouldn't go as far...
Read More0600 left home 0930 meeting 1100 meeting 1500 meeting 1600 meeting missed because 1500 meeting ran over 1711 left office to save sanity. ran on eliptical. 1806 bean burrito at taco bell [hold the onions please] 1838 back to work 2153 still working.... 2246 fatal autocad error. explicit uttered. file recovered. 2307 left for home remind me why i became an architect. remind me why i belong in this profession. remind me why, for some sick reason, i love this. [note to self: things still take 3 times longer than you think they will even though you've graduated. you may think you're smarter, but you actually have to finish projects now.]
another video is in the works. this one requires me to look through pictures of my own. along with my journals, i record life pictorially in the seven photo albums at my feet. [perhaps this is an unaddressed obsession] i rarely take the time those images deserve to reminisce. pictures capture an instant, an event, regardless of their worth. but hindsight tells us they always are. i laugh at some of my outfits/hair styles from high school already [i didn't think that was supposed to happen for at least five more years] soccer games and sleep-overs, trips and birthdays; all...
Read Moreeverything that we see is a shadow cast by that which we do not see. [martin luther king, jr.]
lied. call it seasonal memory lapse or a fall infatuation, but the previous mentioned [25 october] tree is not really my favorite. i believe you can have but one favorite it any given category [ie food, movies, cars, friends]. although you are allowed to change favorites over time, the title must only be given to one object at any given moment. long ago, a gave my favorite tree title away. we have few traditions in my family. of course there is the special plate we eat from at birthdays and other monumental occasions, popcorn for dinner on sunday nights, and grandma's...
Read Moretonight is one of those lazy kind of saturday nights where you take your shower after dinner and just sit around doing all of those things you never make time to do or nothing at all. i like nights like this, no pressure to be out and about, going or doing. i enjoy this type of rare, uneventful evening. time to listen. time to sleep. [or try to sleep] time to be still. i finished velvet elvis and i must say the last chapter was definitely my favorite. usually, i'm not one to give away endings, but i think this is different. it's...
Read Moreas much as i complain and remorse over unfinished projects, i thought i should take a moment to commemorate those which have actually seen competition. two occurred this weekend. i tend to approach a problem with a final image in mind; everything in between will take care of itself, but rarely does it. i think that's the architect in me. i know what i want the end result to look like, but i don't always know how to make it happen. my father [the construction project manager], on the other hand, approaches things completely opposite. the end result, to him, is...
Read Moremy itunes tells me i have heard it 5 times already, but it wasn't until today i really listened. you know when you hear a song and for some reason, it just resonates within you i differently than it ever has before? the lyrics hold multiple meanings, strings articularly plucked in the background slowly and beautifully build only to climax and fall. i don't know what it is, but it is noon and now itunes counts it 22 times played. lyrics sampling... but everyday when i get up i see folks trading in their crowns for all these paper or plastic lives; an opiate...
Read Morei bought rob bell's velvet elvis back in july, but am just now finishing it. i think this is due to my bad habit of starting something but not following through. it's really starting to bother me. so i've tried to buckle down. it's just a lot to handle at once. but whatever you do, you must pick it up. you must read it. you must process through it. discuss it. you must question it. [the idea that some people have faith and others don't is a popular one. but it is not a true one. everybody has faith. everybody is following somebody. the real...
Read MoreGroom and Group Two of my Big Brothers We throw fire, not rice The girls [Tessa, I and Kelly]
sometimes, i cannot distinguish one weekend from another...they begin to blur in my head. i can describe these weekends as comfortable, productive or uneventful. i don't mind them, in fact, i frequently need these rests. but there are also other kinds of weekends; those i'll remember for years to come. they are marked by an event, a feeling, a moment, a memory. for some reason, they have been given significance, etching themselves into my mind. i don’t know whether it was seeing friends for the first time since graduation, enjoying a marriage celebration, or walking around a piece of capital...
Read Moreit was final project week. i had left at 3am to rest my mind and my body before returning 6am. i liked coming in at this time because all of my classmates were leaving in order to avoid the 7am parking tickets. the lights were off, the room was still, i was in flow. instant messenger was my tunnel to the outside world during final projects; the only way i interacted with people outside of seaton. however, this may morning, it became my poison, as it carried to me the one thing that had the capability to bring down an...
Read Morei can't sleep. i can't read. i can't work. i can't eat. tonight, all i can do is think about is india. what is it about this country that has stirred my heart? tuesday, my friends will go there for 12 days; i think i would give my left hand [as well as my right] to go with them. when the opportunity first came up, i dismissed the anxiousness in my heart because i didn't think it would be feasible with the honeymoon i thought i'd be taking. oh what i wouldn't give to go back and volunteer. a month ago, they invited me...
Read Moremy mind has been everywhere but on work this week. it often drifts off to far away places, known and unknown, to people in my past and others i have yet to meet, to memories and unwritten events. half of the time i'm sitting at my desk, i'm really not there, but nobody seems to notice. i don't mind either. never seeing the ocean until i was 20, i think it had a greater impact on me than most. i was so overwhelmed as i stared into the vastness of it all at virginia beach; i wanted to turn completely around...
Read Morefor the first time since i left, i miss being in manhattan. i miss the flint hills in the fall. i long to run up manhattan hill to look down on the city clothed in its fall wardrobe. i miss my favorite tree in manhattan. i don't call very many things favorites; i use that title cautiously. however, i do not think twice in stating that i have a favorite tree, or perhaps had one. it was the kind of tree that caused me to change my walking path through campus in the fall just so i might walk by...
Read Moreknob...i cannot even say that word without smiling. it's really random word, especially to be coupled with "fest." what is a knob fest you may be asking? what might you do at one? i had no idea, at least until last night, when i witnessed one of the most creative displays of music i have ever seen. it wasn't about performance or cd sales. there was no plug for the fisch haus studios on the floor above or when the after party started. it was all about the music, it's purity and evolution. we use our senses to convey to others...
Read Morei always hated coffee. we would take studio breaks and walk down to radina's for a cup o' joe, i would opt for my alternative, tea. i just couldn't stand the bitter black drink. it didn't matter how much cream and sugar i added, nothing could beat my hot berry, or christmas chi. i must admit now, i have come to appreciate the caffeinated wonder, but my first love is not rooted in those potent beans. over a good cup of tea do people relax and open up. as they are inhaling the warm sweetness do they let their guard down...
Read Morei returned to my roots; or at least a half of them. this weekend our family journeyed back to omaha, nebraska to celebrate my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary. although i have never spent more than a week there and know few other streets besides dodge street, much of my family’s history and my family, for that matter, can be found within the city's borders. as we drove along the interstate, my dad pointed out the apartment he was living in when he first met my mom, the jobsite where they met, and the church they were married in 26 years...
Read Morebirthdays are funny. it doesn't matter what has happened in the year since it last came around, 365 days later, the day you were born is still commemorated. to most, it is a time of celebration; to others, it is a time of mourning at the passing of another year. this year i celebrated the passing of my 24th year on this earth. i cannot tell you how blessed i feel today knowing the great number of you who celebrated with me. beginning on friday i was overwhelmed by breakfast, lunch or dinner with you, a flooded email inbox, packages via...
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